We’ve all seen them. We all hate them (or are them). They’re the degenerates who decide that a lecture is the place to strut their stuff about in a range of outlandish gym kit. So, I hear you ask how can you go to a lecture in the kit you’re *definitely* using in the gym later, while not making people chun?

This is ok

Okay Clothing

This IS NOT!

Gym Douche

You can’t. I’m sorry. This article was a lie.

But now I’ve dashed your hopes of becoming a respectable member of student society, let me help you become the best you can be…

I present to you the essential components every lecture gym douche needs!

The Shaker - preferably one that rattles

One of the most important things must be the protein shaker. No need to be fussy on brand so long as it’s painfully oversized. And definitely shake it rapidly as you walk into the lecture so as to announce your presence.

Beats or similarly obnoxious headphones (Pink is perfect)

Best to have brightly coloured ones so everyone sees them! Also, a good tip is to play you music really loudly when you take them off so others can enjoy your grimy, grimy music.

Skin tight tracksuit bottoms

A vital piece of equipment for any douchebag seeking to show off those calve gains. Try to get them in a small size so they’re still tight, since you’ve skipped legs for arms 4 weeks in a row now…

The Kit

Time to go wild. There’s literally 100s of brands just waiting to take your money in exchange for clothing not worth the name. If you go retro with a golds stringer or are literally head to toe in gymshark, we all get the message…

I’ve done all I can to try and educate you in the ways of being a gym kit wearing douche so I hope you’ll take my advice to heart and be the best you can be!